


Bi the Way...

by nameless_wanderer



Series: A Worthy Explanation [5]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Evan comes out to Heidi, Gen, Heidi is a good mother, One Shot, also the gang begins planning prom, both are confused by LGBT terminology, just kinda fluffy coming out fic, takes place in the same au as A Worthy Explanation, teen is for language really its more gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 17:15:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11384748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nameless_wanderer/pseuds/nameless_wanderer
Summary: Evan's leg had only just healed. He texted Zoe about physical therapy. How exactly did it turn into a discussion of their romantic lives? Why are they suddenly planning prom? And why is his mother asking about his romantic life?





	Bi the Way...

Evan was lying down on the couch in front of the TV. He had only just recovered from a broken leg, and still doing lots of physical therapy to recover from it. Putting weight on it still felt awkward, and most of the free time he had was spent sitting or lying down. Those few moments like now when he got the chance to just relax and unwind were a godsend after the stress of this year, with the Connor Project and college apps and just trying to keep up with grades—it was exhausting. But these quiet moments often felt just a little lonely. So when he heard his text tone, a small smile crept across his face. He took out his phone and unlocked it. 

> **Zoe Murphy**
> 
> Yo, Evan, whatcha doin?
> 
> Evan
> 
> E-van Ste-van
> 
> …what?
> 
> I was trying something.
> 
> Didn't feel right
> 
> How's your day been?
> 
> Nm
> 
> Had physical therapy today
> 
> :/
> 
> That sucks
> 
> Eh
> 
> I mean kinda
> 
> But also it helps my leg heal
> 
> Supposedly lol
> 
> It still feels sore most of the time
> 
> What's up with you?
> 
> Ok actually I have something that you might want to hear
> 
> Oh?
> 
> You know how I'm in charge of like emails and comments and stuff for TCP this week
> 
> Well I just got one from this guy who claimed to know Connor
> 
> We get like hundreds of those from kids in our school
> 
> But like nobody really knew him, you know?
> 
> This wasn't a student
> 
> This was a teacher
> 
> He doesn't teach at our school
> 
> I don't recognize his name at all which is…
> 
> Really really weird
> 
> I still remember the names of the third grade teachers I didn't have
> 
> But the reason I bring it up is because he said he was one of Connor's teachers in middle school
> 
> He said that he taught Connor.
> 
> Ok?
> 
> What's weird about it?
> 
> He said he taught you as well.
> 
> And Alana and Jared.
> 
> He said he taught English or something?
> 
> He doesn't live here anymore
> 
> That sounds familiar
> 
> What was his name?
> 
> Can't remember
> 
> I'll forward you the email in a bit
> 
> But he wanted to catch up with you three
> 
> You Jared and Alana that is
> 
> Yeah, forward me that email
> 
> We should be careful though
> 
> I'd rather not talk to most of my middle school teachers
> 
> Most of them thought I was "shy" and just "needed to put myself out there"
> 
> As a result the participation aspect of my grade was usually pretty low
> 
> RIP DUDE
> 
> That fucking sucks
> 
> It is what it is
> 
> But what it is is ableism combined with common misunderstandings of how social anxiety works so
> 
> Yeah
> 
> It fucking sucks
> 
> But English teachers usually aren't that bad so
> 
> Yeah forward it to me
> 
> K cool c:
> 
> What are you up to right now?
> 
> Watching Ben Wyatt Human Disaster defensively yelling "everyone has gay thoughts sometimes"
> 
> Classic (＾▽＾)
> 
> I love Ben Wyatt Human Disaster
> 
> How do you get all those weird emoticons?
> 
> There's a Japanese keyboard that has them all on the iphone ;P
> 
> That probably won't work on my phone
> 
> You know it was only recently that I rewatched that episode and realized that Ben's line was funny because in fact not everybody has gay thoughts
> 
> Omg
> 
> Evan Hansen Human Disaster
> 
> Hey!
> 
> I say it out of love
> 
> And just a little bit of concern
> 
> But I mean honestly same
> 
> Hard same
> 
> And then you know
> 
> I realized that I'm like not straight
> 
> Like I'm really not straight.
> 
> Thanks to Aristotle and Dante? :p
> 
> Something like that lol
> 
> Was there a trigger for you?
> 
> Like a moment or anything?
> 
> Um honestly
> 
> The party
> 
> With Jared
> 
> Really? That's what did it?
> 
> Nobody before that?
> 
> Pretty much lol
> 
> I mean like before Jared there was just you ._.
> 
> And before that?
> 
> Like barely anybody?
> 
> Just like passing thoughts I guess
> 
> But just passing thoughts so I ignored them bc u know
> 
> "everyone has gay thoughts sometimes, right?"
> 
> lolololollololololoolololl
> 
> >v<
> 
> I mean I feel you though
> 
> It's just
> 
> Like they're so subtle
> 
> That I just didn’t even think I might not be straight
> 
> You know?
> 
> The immediate reaction isn't "does this mean I’m gay"
> 
> It's more like
> 
> "huh. That was strange"
> 
> Exactly
> 
> Haha
> 
> Things going well with Alana?
> 
> Yep
> 
> Though I'm starting to get kinda frustrated
> 
> ?
> 
> Sneaking around my nosy parents
> 
> Ah
> 
> Wait
> 
> You haven't come out to them yet?
> 
> What do you think?
> 
> You've met them
> 
> Fair enough
> 
> But I mean you've been dating for what? Several months now?
> 
> Not to rain on your parade but like
> 
> You're going to have to tell them eventually
> 
> I will
> 
> Like in a few years when we're super serious and I can support myself financially
> 
> And have you come out to your mom?
> 
> Touche.
> 
> But like you know your mom will be totally supportive of you right?
> 
> I mean probably
> 
> But like
> 
> I also don't have any sort of boyfriend that would necessitate my coming out
> 
> Or like anybody who could become my boyfriend soon
> 
> Jared
> 
> Literally Jared
> 
> Everybody is just waiting for you two together
> 
> Please don't start that
> 
> You know what the situation with Jared is
> 
> I mean I know that you don't want to hurt him so you're waiting
> 
> But like isn't the waiting going to hurt him anyway?
> 
> No
> 
> Maybe
> 
> I don't know
> 
> Ahhh! D:
> 
> I just don't see why you're putting this off
> 
> Zoe I literally only just got use of my leg back
> 
> It hasn't been all that long since the orchard
> 
> As long as I think something could still happen…
> 
> Idk
> 
> I don't want to hurt him
> 
> I want him to be happy
> 
> You know what will make him happy?
> 
> Asking him out.
> 
> Or at least asking him to prom.
> 
> Actually
> 
> Like I know we hadn't talked about it but
> 
> I was thinking like the four of us could go together
> 
> Like as friends
> 
> I'm not a senior remember?
> 
> There's no way Alana's not inviting you to prom
> 
> Even if it's that big a deal, she can get you around it
> 
> Pretty sure she's on the committee
> 
> I mean it was just an idea
> 
> But like
> 
> I thought it wasn't a bad idea
> 
> I don't know
> 
> Prom is like supposed to be couple-y tho
> 
> We can still act like couples
> 
> Listen, I've got it all figured out
> 
> You don't want to come out yet right?
> 
> So the four of us just say we're going together as friends
> 
> (or worst case scenario we tell them that Jared or I asked you to prom and Alana was asked by the other one)
> 
> You. I'd definitely be your date
> 
> God Jared and I as a couple
> 
> Can you even imagine?
> 
> I'm legit laughing at that mental image
> 
> But yeah we can say we're a group
> 
> And we can totally just head there together
> 
> Oh my god
> 
> My parents are probably going to rent a limo
> 
> And hire a photographer
> 
> I hadn't thought about it until you just said it
> 
> But that does sound like them
> 
> So what about photos then?
> 
> Simple
> 
> We'll take a few as a group
> 
> If we have to act like couples we'll take a few simple couple shots
> 
> And then we get a few "guys" and "girls" shots taken
> 
> But won't it look suspicious if I match Alana more than I match you?
> 
> We'll all go kind of matching each other
> 
> We'll say we picked a color palette together
> 
> Or worst case scenario "it was a happy accident"
> 
> Ok maybe this does make sense
> 
> But I'm not sure
> 
> Zoe I'm not going unless all of my friends are
> 
> And if I'm not going Jared won't go
> 
> And Alana will have to fend for herself
> 
> Ok you're right
> 
> We can talk about it
> 
> Actually part of the reason I texted was bc I wanted to see if you wanted to hang tonight
> 
> The four of us I mean
> 
> At my house. We could watch parks and rec
> 
> Maybe. My mom's probably going to be home tonight
> 
> She might say no just because we've been trying to spend more time together
> 
> But I'll let you know
> 
> Ok. I'll text Jared.
> 
> Alana's in but
> 
> You know if it's just the two of us at my house it's weird.
> 
> I'll ask her.

 

At that moment, Evan heard the familiar slam of the door. He looked up and saw his mother walk in and smile at him.

"Hi Sweetie."

"Hey mom."

"I'm home for the night, thank goodness, so I'm just probably gonna join you in…is this Parks and Rec again?"

He smiled. "Uh-huh." Ever since he had fallen, he'd noticed his mother making a conscious effort to be at home more, take more notice in him. She couldn't do much, but what she could do… he noticed. And he appreciated.

Evan made room for her as she sat on the couch. She glanced at him and noticed the phone in his hand. "Who ya been texing?"

"Zoe."

"Anything interesting of note with Zoe?"

"She invited me over to her place later this evening. Jared and Alana too."

"You should go!"

"Really? But it's like your night off."

Heidi shrugged. "I'll take another off this week. You should hang with your friends."

"I mean… if you're sure…"

"I'm positive." She smiled at him. He leaned over and gave her a quick hug.

"Thanks, mom."

Heidi turned back to the screen, becoming engrossed in the episode. While Evan turned back to the screen, his thoughts were a million miles away from the goings-on of Knope and company. He was thinking about prom. And Jared. And his mixed-up feelings for Jared. His complicated, frustratingly simple feelings for Jared. And why he couldn't act on them. And how he wanted nothing more than to go with Jared to prom and do disgustingly romantic couple things with him.

"Hey, you ok, kid?" He turned his head. His mom was giving him a concerned look. "What's on your mind?"

Evan gave a flash of a smile and shrugged. "Just some personal problems. Simple stuff I gotta solve. Nothing big."

She turned down the volume on the episode and shifted her whole body to look at him. "What kind of personal problems? Anything I should know about?"

Evan shook his head. "No, no, no, it's not—I'm fine, it's just like… school stuff. Kinda."

"Well is it grades? Bullies?" Evan shook his head at these two. He hoped she would just drop it. He didn't want to tell her, but he knew he couldn't lie to her. She took a few seconds before cautiously saying, "Romantic troubles?" He froze. _Shit_. Heidi quickly picked up on this. "Is it Zoe?"

He quickly looked up and shook his head. "No, no, no, no, no, no. Zoe and I are friends now. She's actually been seeing someone—"

"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry."

"No, really, it happened like a few months ago? I'm fine, I'm really happy for her."

Heidi examined the smile on her son's face. "You are, aren't you?"

Evan nodded. "We've been friends since…before then. I haven't thought of her romantically since…since the beginning of the year really."

She looked at him sideways. "Really?" He nodded. "Well I'm glad. And you don't have to tell me what's going on if you don't want to. I'm just being nosy, I guess." She smiled and patted his arm. "You'll find the right girl someday." He smiled and nodded, turning back to the TV. _Or guy_. "What was that?"

 _Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit. Did I mumble that out loud?_ He looked at his mother, trying and probably failing to hide the horrified look on his face. He sat there, mouth agape, trying to find some excuse, or a quick _"oh, nothing"_ to mumble out. Instead his brain went on autopilot, and the words that came out of his mouth at that moment did not even seem to come from him.

"Um, I uh said 'or guy' because um you had said that, you said I-I-I-I would find the right girl so I added, I added 'or guy' because I um, I like guys. Too. I like guys too. And girls. Girls and guys, I just—" Mercifully, his mouth closed and no more words came from it. _Shit. Shit. Shit._ He quickly turned his head back to the TV, eyes refusing to focus on the image on the screen.

"Oh," was the only initial response. His heart was practically pounding out of his chest, and he was positive the beating could be heard from miles away. But maybe silence was better than a barrage of questions from his mother. He decided this was not the case the second she spoke again. "So… does this mean you're, like… bisexual?"

Evan shrugged and gestured vaguely with his hands. "Maybe? Probably. I mean, I could be pansexual, or-or any number of things. All I know is I'm… not… straight…" He gulped. Out of the corner of his eye he saw his mother nod a little bit. But then he saw her face contort into a vexed expression.

"Wait, so what's pansexual?"

"Um, it means attraction to all genders I think?"

"Ok." A few more seconds passed before she turned to look at him. "So, how is that different from bisexual?"

Evan turned back to her, eyes trained down. "I'm not… I'm not like entirely sure? Like I think it just means that, like, you like all people, like including nonbinary people. Which I guess could also be bisexual? I don't really know."

"Ok, hold up, what's nonbinary?"

"I think it's like… people who think that it's not just boys and girls, there are more outside the gender binary."

"So would that be, what, transgender?"

"No, I think trans is generally more like they identify within the gender binary but the gender assigned to them doesn't fit? I don't know, maybe some of them identify as trans. Nonbinary is more like… agender people, or genderfluid, or—I don't really know."

Heidi shook her head, trying to wrap her head around all the terms. "Honestly, Evan, I'm really confused."

He smiled. "Me too!" The two shared a laugh.

"I thought I was just slow!"

"No, like, when you first hear about it it's totally confusing."

"There's just all these terms that I'm just hearing now."

"It's new to me as well!" The two laughed for a bit, glad that they were learning all of these things together (sort of). Once the laughter died down, Evan asked, "So…Are you ok? Is it ok with you that I'm…?"

"Oh, Evan, of course it is!" She wrapped him in a tight hug. "All I ever want is for you to be happy. And I'm glad you told me." She pulled back. "I'm sorry if you weren't comfortable with telling or if it felt like I forced it out of you…"

He shook his head, elated. "No, no it's like, um, it's like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders. I wasn't… I mean, I didn't plan it but, um, I'm glad I told you." And as he said this he realized he really was glad. He wanted his mother to know more about him.

"So, uh, any girls _or guys_ I should know about?" she teased.

"Uh, not really." _Just leave it there._ "Except, uh…" He coughed. "Jared."

 _Hi, yeah, quick question: why exactly did you say that?_ "Jared…Kleinman? _Our_ Jared?" Evan meekly nodded. "Are you two, like, dating or whatever you kids call it nowadays?"

"No, no we're not."

"So then… what's going on with you two?"

Evan sighed. He did want to talk with someone who might just understand that maybe entering a relationship wasn't such a good idea. "I think we like—" He chuckled, took a breath, and revised his statement. "He loves me. And I think I love him. But we're not…nothing's really happening."

She gave him a warm but confused smile. "Why not? If you like each other…"

"You mean besides the fact that I literally only just came out to you and I don't even know if Jared's out to his parents?" Evan shook his head. "We have… a complicated past."

"Well, what's so complicated about it? You've known each other since you were toddlers, practically!"

"But we weren't really friends for a long time there. I mean, he was the closest thing I had. But…he always insisted we weren't like, _real_ friends. That we were _family_ friends and there was a difference."

"So what changed?"

Evan shrugged. "I'm not sure. We started hanging out because of that stupid, stupid note and all the trouble it caused. And we actually kinda became friends." He rested his chin in his hand. "Maybe nothing changed. He said that he was pushing me away for a long time because of… well, how he felt. But something happened and well…" Evan shook his head. "It's just… it's too soon. I don't want to hurt him."

"How would you hurt him?"

Evan looked down and just tapped on his leg, the one that had previously been broken. His mother nodded, beginning to understand. "I hurt everyone with what I did. I had Jared convinced it was his fault. And that was while we were friends. I can't… I mean, what if I do something while we're together? And-and he thinks it's his fault? I couldn't forgive myself…"

Heidi put a hand on his arm. "I thought you were doing better…"

"I am. Usually." He sighed. "I haven't planned anything since the orchard. I haven't seriously thought about it since a few weeks after that. I haven't wanted to in months. Haven't had any urges in weeks. But like…I'll just get these-these like, these intrusive thoughts. And as long as that's still happening…I don't feel safe putting him in that position." He put his face in his hands. "Am I being ridiculous?"

"No, no, no, honey! I think you're trying to work on yourself before rushing into anything, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. You should enter a relationship when you're ready."

He looked up at her. "So you think I'm doing the right thing by waiting?"

She inhaled through her teeth, moving her hands as if to say it was unclear. "It's tricky, romance. And my one concern is that I don't want to see you lose an opportunity because you're afraid forever. But I think you know yourself well enough to know when you're comfortable enough to take things further." She smiled at him. "Do you think you'll ever be ready?"

Evan nodded. "I'm getting there. It's just… slow going. He's convinced he's going to make me his someday so…" He chuckled.

Heidi nodded. "So, does he make you happy?"

Evan sighed and leaned back into the couch, smiling and blushing. "Mom, when we hug, or-or touch, or even just like sit next to each other…everything is just so _warm_. Like, I'll never have to feel alone again."

She smiled at him and regarded him fondly. "I'm glad. That's what's important to me. That you're happy." He nodded. He was grateful to have such a caring mother, and one who made such huge sacrifices for him, and he was starting to understand that better. Suddenly Heidi stopped and gave Evan a funny look. "He does know you like him back, right?"

Evan laughed. "Yeah, um, actually I was thinking of, um, asking him to prom? As like, my date?"

" _Ohhhh_ …" his mother teased.

"Well I mean, kind of. I was thinking that the two of us could go with Alana and Zoe. Like as a group of friends. But, you know, knowing the Murphy's they're gonna rent a limo and hire a photographer and we're gonna have to pretend to be dating the girls…" He shook his head and exhaled, half laughing, half sighing.

"Well, I could get a few pictures of just you and Jared here, before heading over that evening. If you wanted."

 _Mother fawning over you and your prom date? Embarrassing. Photos where you don't have to pretend to just be "bros" or whatever? Worth it._ Evan nodded. "I'd like that."

"Ok, we'll talk about it. Figure it out." The two turned back to the TV. "So are Zoe and Alana…?"

Evan threw his hands up, amused. "You're privileged to this information because you're my mom, I shouldn't tell you anything about Zoe."

Heidi laughed. "Fair enough. Hey, did you need a ride to the Murphy's in a bit?"

Evan shook his head. "I was gonna get a ride from Jared." He stood up. "I should probably ask him. Maybe change into something a little nicer."

"Ok, honey. Be safe, have fun. I love you."

"I'm not leaving for another thirty minutes, mom."

Heidi shrugged. "It's always a good time to tell you I love you."

Evan paused and smiled at her. "I love you too." He walked back to his room, changed into a nicer shirt than the tee he was wearing, and messaged Jared.

 

> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> Hey, can you give me a ride to Zoe's place?
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> yeah no problem
> 
> pick u up in like 30
> 
> how was ur day
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> Pretty good
> 
> I had physical therapy
> 
> Been watching Parks and Rec
> 
> I um
> 
> I kinda just came out to my mom?
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> o shit dude
> 
> howd it go
> 
> she take it well?
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> Yeah um
> 
> She took it really well
> 
> And I knew she would, but uh
> 
> In the moment I was terrified
> 
> And um
> 
> I kinda told her about us?
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> wait
> 
> do u mean like
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> Not the kiss or the party or the hospital or any of that
> 
> Just that we're kinda sorta maybe into each other
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> theres nothing kinda sorta maybe about it
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> I think she kinda ships us
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> evan remind me that i need to bake cookies for ur mother
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> Haha.
> 
> No, I'm just kinda relieved?
> 
> I just feel like I can tell my mom things
> 
> And I didn't feel like I could before
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> cant relate
> 
> btw, alana told me about ur prom idea
> 
> and i love it
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> I literally only just told Zoe???
> 
> How??????
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> so if i understand correctly
> 
> ur asking me to prom
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> Well uh
> 
> I kinda thought it would be obvious?
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> thats fucking adorable
> 
> but we wont really get any good photos together with the murphys breathing down our neck
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> My mother offered to take some of just the two of us before we head over
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> forget the cookies im making ur mom a fucking creme brulee
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> You know how to make a creme brulee?
> 
> I didn't even know you knew how to make cookies lol :p
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> this is what ur missing hansen
> 
> a guy who can bake u whatever u want
> 
> whenever u want c;
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> How did you make that seem dirty just by adding a winking face?
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> its a gift
> 
> i have lots of gifts i could show u c;
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> You're disgusting :p
> 
> But um
> 
> I'd like it if you'd bake for me
> 
> One day
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> is that ur own adorable way of asking me out
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> Not exactly
> 
> But it's my way of saying one day I will ask you out
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> ill hold u to it
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> I know you will
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> i love u evan
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> I love you too Jared
> 
> <3
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> be there in a bit
> 
> c ya soon
> 
> <3

The evening went pretty well. The four watched Parks and Rec and discussed the details of going to prom together. Alana already had a thousand ideas for it, and the others pitched in and gave their opinions about things. Evan recounted his coming out in hushed tones, as the others listened, stony at first then chuckling along. He also talked about physical therapy and how he was regaining use of his leg. The others laughed, told their own stories, and just enjoyed each others company. It was pretty fun, but Evan's favorite part, hands down, was sitting next to Jared, his own head resting on Jared's as they watched the TV show, content in the warmth that surrounded the two of them.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again to Kian (lostfanboy) for helping me choose out a prompt and with various story details! Also because I am trash, I referenced another fic by chchchchcherrybomb (just slightly, in the beginning). Also also Evan's definitions of LGBT terminology are intentionally a little iffy bc in the AWE au he's only just started learning the terms recently, so he's not fully fluent (hell, I've known most of these terms for years and I still don't fully understand all of them). But yeah, hope you liked this fic, I still have a few more AWE one shots planned and I'd love to hear your prompts/ideas if you want more. Thank you for the kudos and comments, please come talk to me on tumblr (official-didney-worl-elmo), and see ya soon with another one shot (or maybe an update of my other fic if i get around to it lol).


End file.
